Camp
You Do It Well
My funniest story from this week is when I told a camper I loved them. I was sitting in the arts and crafts room in extended day, and Lars was talking about fast food chains. He mentioned Wendy’s, and I said, “I love Wendy’s. I would kill someone for a frosty.” I hear, “Bye Alex!” from behind me, and I turn to see one of my little Gazelles waving with her mom standing behind her. Feeling flustered because her mom just heard me talk a little graphically about my love for fast soft serve, I said, “Bye I love you!” Realization dawned on me, and I stammered something as her mom and I awkwardly laughed. It wasn’t my best moment. At least I didn’t say something worse.
I got recognized by my boss for my good work this week. It didn’t feel as good as one of my campers from two years ago clinging to my legs after he thanked me for my good work. It didn’t feel as good as a Gazelle seeing me and holding out her hands for a hug because we didn’t get to talk to each other that much that day. It didn’t feel as good as one of the four-year-olds climbing up five feet on the rock wall and laughing the whole way down.
When I got into work on Friday, I found out our head counselor was out for the day for a job interview. On Thursday I had assumed the role as head for a couple hours, and it was very stressful. It doesn’t seem like head counselors have to do so much, but I quickly understood that I often turn to the head to make decisions about how to fill the extra time, when to discipline campers who don’t listen more seriously, and worst of all what to do about counselor interpersonal issues. I wasn’t looking forward to doing it for the whole day. It went better than expected; the Gazelles came out having an average camp day, which was my goal. When one of the Geese (2nd & 3rd-grade girls) who I had two years ago (different than the camper mentioned above) asked me what my least favorite part about this job was, I said being head.
I’m realizing that moving up in the world isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I love all the stories like the first one—ones that center campers in the middle of them. Being recognized by my co-workers and taking more responsibility by being head are ones that have more social (and economic) capital attachment to them, but they take my attention away from interacting with the kids. I’m starting to understand why my mom doesn’t “move up” and take on administrative work. She always says she would miss teaching too much to try to implement all her ideas of how to better run the school, and honestly, I didn’t get it. Now I’m feeling it on a microscopic scale. My boss gets to make all the decisions and run the camp, but he doesn’t get to learn 30 names of campers from one group and a smattering from other groups or see campers come back again and again. This seems dramatic for me to say as a 20-something, but it’s lonely at the top. The cost of power is fulfillment and relationships.
I’ll take explaining what capitalism and propaganda are to a Greyhound (middle school girls) over deciding what counselors go to where during free time any day.
Music: Liquor - Lydia
WOW this album is so good. Lydia is one of my top two favorite bands, and while I didn’t completely love all of their singles from this album and was worried about their musical direction, they didn’t disappoint. The songs by themselves are great, but as a whole they flow seamlessly together into a hazy blue atmosphere of beating drums and electronic piano riffs. From my first listen, a couple of my favorites are “Friends,” “Goodside,” and “Way Out” (the title of this post is from “Sunlight”).
Books: Circe by Madeline Miller
WOW this book is so so so good. My little 5th-grade self that read our mythology book cover to cover a hundred times was slain repeatedly by this amazing book. Circe is a fantastic and riveting character, and Miller effectively weaves together many strands of myths into a story that explores growth inside and outside one’s self. Again, Goodreads reviews are really worth checking out for this one.
I got recognized by my boss for my good work this week. It didn’t feel as good as one of my campers from two years ago clinging to my legs after he thanked me for my good work. It didn’t feel as good as a Gazelle seeing me and holding out her hands for a hug because we didn’t get to talk to each other that much that day. It didn’t feel as good as one of the four-year-olds climbing up five feet on the rock wall and laughing the whole way down.
When I got into work on Friday, I found out our head counselor was out for the day for a job interview. On Thursday I had assumed the role as head for a couple hours, and it was very stressful. It doesn’t seem like head counselors have to do so much, but I quickly understood that I often turn to the head to make decisions about how to fill the extra time, when to discipline campers who don’t listen more seriously, and worst of all what to do about counselor interpersonal issues. I wasn’t looking forward to doing it for the whole day. It went better than expected; the Gazelles came out having an average camp day, which was my goal. When one of the Geese (2nd & 3rd-grade girls) who I had two years ago (different than the camper mentioned above) asked me what my least favorite part about this job was, I said being head.
I’m realizing that moving up in the world isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I love all the stories like the first one—ones that center campers in the middle of them. Being recognized by my co-workers and taking more responsibility by being head are ones that have more social (and economic) capital attachment to them, but they take my attention away from interacting with the kids. I’m starting to understand why my mom doesn’t “move up” and take on administrative work. She always says she would miss teaching too much to try to implement all her ideas of how to better run the school, and honestly, I didn’t get it. Now I’m feeling it on a microscopic scale. My boss gets to make all the decisions and run the camp, but he doesn’t get to learn 30 names of campers from one group and a smattering from other groups or see campers come back again and again. This seems dramatic for me to say as a 20-something, but it’s lonely at the top. The cost of power is fulfillment and relationships.
I’ll take explaining what capitalism and propaganda are to a Greyhound (middle school girls) over deciding what counselors go to where during free time any day.
Music: Liquor - Lydia
WOW this album is so good. Lydia is one of my top two favorite bands, and while I didn’t completely love all of their singles from this album and was worried about their musical direction, they didn’t disappoint. The songs by themselves are great, but as a whole they flow seamlessly together into a hazy blue atmosphere of beating drums and electronic piano riffs. From my first listen, a couple of my favorites are “Friends,” “Goodside,” and “Way Out” (the title of this post is from “Sunlight”).
Books: Circe by Madeline Miller
WOW this book is so so so good. My little 5th-grade self that read our mythology book cover to cover a hundred times was slain repeatedly by this amazing book. Circe is a fantastic and riveting character, and Miller effectively weaves together many strands of myths into a story that explores growth inside and outside one’s self. Again, Goodreads reviews are really worth checking out for this one.
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