There's been 4 days of school, I've taught 4 classes of creative writing, and only one of them has gone well. I know the learning curve is step but whew, I'm just trying to stay positive.
The Sunday before the first day I was hit with a wave of anxiety before I even got out of bed. I went to church and read more of my book and tried to keep my mind off of things, but this feeling of unprepared-ness lingered. Just who were these kids, and what did I think I could really teach them? Who did I think I was?
I mispronounced name after name on my attendance and only got through one activity that I had planned. The second day I went too far too fast, careening straight over my kids' heads. By talking about mentor texts academically, I lost them, and I lost a part of their trust. Wednesday was the worst—I got completely off track and my students just dissolved. I subbed for another teacher later in the day, and the students got so out of control that the behavior specialist had to stay in the room. When my boss asked if I wanted to debrief, I was feeling defeated.
But we talked through everything, and I got some actionable steps. I rewrote yet another lesson and finally got my students engaged in what I was presenting. I successfully pushed into other classrooms and helped to manage behavior. I was able to put my foot down, and students took me seriously.
Instead of getting down on myself about feeling exhausted after only teaching one class or beating myself up about not knowing where the heck to go after this (because I haven't done that at all...), I'm trying to see my role like a gift. I've already been able to see students in multiple classes throughout the day and get the one-on-one interactions to get to know them. In observing other teachers, I get to see the kind of tactics that work and the kind of tactics that do not and what I want to put in a classroom.
More importantly, I'm learning that I can relate to students who come from vastly different backgrounds from me and how they can teach me. They've already surprised me with their determination, their ability to stand up for themselves, and their genuine heart. They want to believe education can help them, but that has been proven to be a lie for them time and time again since they are African American. I just want to make sure I'm not getting in the way of that education, to let them learn in the ways that connect with them the most powerfully.
If you asked me how my first week of school was, I'd tell you it was exhausting and a bit demoralizing and made me question if I really know anything. But it was also a recognition that I love students and I would to better center my class on building strong overall community and strong one-on-one connections. We'll see how week 2 goes.
The Sunday before the first day I was hit with a wave of anxiety before I even got out of bed. I went to church and read more of my book and tried to keep my mind off of things, but this feeling of unprepared-ness lingered. Just who were these kids, and what did I think I could really teach them? Who did I think I was?
I mispronounced name after name on my attendance and only got through one activity that I had planned. The second day I went too far too fast, careening straight over my kids' heads. By talking about mentor texts academically, I lost them, and I lost a part of their trust. Wednesday was the worst—I got completely off track and my students just dissolved. I subbed for another teacher later in the day, and the students got so out of control that the behavior specialist had to stay in the room. When my boss asked if I wanted to debrief, I was feeling defeated.
But we talked through everything, and I got some actionable steps. I rewrote yet another lesson and finally got my students engaged in what I was presenting. I successfully pushed into other classrooms and helped to manage behavior. I was able to put my foot down, and students took me seriously.
Instead of getting down on myself about feeling exhausted after only teaching one class or beating myself up about not knowing where the heck to go after this (because I haven't done that at all...), I'm trying to see my role like a gift. I've already been able to see students in multiple classes throughout the day and get the one-on-one interactions to get to know them. In observing other teachers, I get to see the kind of tactics that work and the kind of tactics that do not and what I want to put in a classroom.
More importantly, I'm learning that I can relate to students who come from vastly different backgrounds from me and how they can teach me. They've already surprised me with their determination, their ability to stand up for themselves, and their genuine heart. They want to believe education can help them, but that has been proven to be a lie for them time and time again since they are African American. I just want to make sure I'm not getting in the way of that education, to let them learn in the ways that connect with them the most powerfully.
If you asked me how my first week of school was, I'd tell you it was exhausting and a bit demoralizing and made me question if I really know anything. But it was also a recognition that I love students and I would to better center my class on building strong overall community and strong one-on-one connections. We'll see how week 2 goes.