Prayer of a (Student) Teacher

February 28, 2019
I don’t know what happened last night at Rhylee’s house, nor does Rhylee know what happened at mine. My head is full of plans and misfires and adjustments, but it looks opaque and serene and ineffable to students. When I get up to speak, I expect the heavens to open and am instead satiated with glazed eyeballs that aren’t rolling to communicate with their fellow soldiers in the war against me. I ...

Becoming Ms. Johnson

February 23, 2019
You all know I’m a nervous and doubting soul. Whenever I do a new thing—the most recent of which was pulling up to a high school and attending a professional development day—thoughts of “Am I in the right place? What door do I enter? Did I have to wear nice clothes, because I’m wearing jeans today and my only change of clothes is gym shorts” cycle through my brain. I thought something similar woul...

The Raw: "The Good Christian"

February 12, 2019
When I'm asking the question, “Am I a good enough Christian?” I'm really asking the question, “Am I going to be able to see my mom again?” It's no secret (at least I hope it isn't a secret to you all) that I struggle with my spiritual life. I've always had this sense that I'm conning everyone, that this Good Christian Girl™ is just how I act as because it's my personality and how I was raised. I ...

A Halting Start, Some May Say

February 08, 2019
I’m batting 2/10 in my ratio of teaching days to snow days. After a retreat this weekend with my lovely housemates at a beautiful cottage on the edge of frozen Lake Michigan, I was setting my alarm for 5:10 am not to get up and read books but to grab my clothes, my lunch box, and my courage and catch the bus to my new middle school. I was so on top of things that I was able to catch an earlier b...

Snow Daze Blues

February 01, 2019
On Sunday, my housemate Jill and I went shopping for the week. We went to Aldi’s (the best grocery store) and Meijer and were struck by the number of people there. “Must be the after Sunday rush, huh?” Jill said to me as we navigated the treacherous produce aisle. “I really don’t know why all these people are here,” I murmured back as I snagged two loaves of bread. As we were checking out, I overh...
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